i think i have herpe
just one?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
