What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
