pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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