Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize