She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
