i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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