he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
