i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
