i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
