The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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