I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
