remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
