McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Two words: blizzard sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
