Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cockslap morals
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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