He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
