Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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