I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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