you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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