I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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