saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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