This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
