Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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