you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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