Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
