Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
