We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize