Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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