No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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