ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
