my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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