he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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