his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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