whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
