Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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