just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
