Im at strip club and am horny
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
