fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
