I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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