I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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