Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
