every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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