I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
