operation have a gay friend backfired
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
