on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
