I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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