she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
