actually, I'm a sock model
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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