You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize