peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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