Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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