Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
