i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
