Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
