dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
handjob tips. give me some.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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