i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
