Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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