I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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