if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
