hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
