I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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