Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
