You can't motorboat a personality
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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