Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
