Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
