ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
