Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
