Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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