I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
