There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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